THE VOICE: Blind Auditions Part I

Experience The Voice

The American (Day)Dream

IT’S FINALLY BACK BOYS AND GIRLS!!! The Voice is back on our collective television screens and we get to watch as a bunch of famous people hit excessively large red buttons to fulfill an aspiring artists dreams. This year we have two new judges: Usher and Shakira, because last names are for idiots.

I’ll be your arbitrary judge, grading the contestants on a combination of singing ability, stage presence, song choice, wardrobe, aesthetics, ability to make Usher dance, perceived willingness to hang out with me, and survivability in a Revolution-style no-power apocalypse. All this weighed into a 1-10 scale, with 1 being god-awful and 10 being OMG AMANDA BROWN’S RENDITION OF DREAM ON! Afterwards I’ll let you know who turned, make a judgment on which judge they should choose (for guy’s this will almost always be Shakira, because Shakira) and then my reaction to the judge they chose. Then I’ll…

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